Reminiscing in the old, bringing in the new.

As I look back at this past year, I see the goodness of a great God.

Joy, pain, sorrow, fun, tears, memories, brokenness, newness. All that is written across this year is God's goodness. His perfect love and His complete faithfulness.

Bad happened, good came. Hurt severed, love healed. Brokenness bleeded, joy conquered.

I guess you could say it's been a year of trials. A year of loss, a year of trouble, a year of hearbreak. But somehow, in the mix of all that, goodness flowed.

Yeah, bad happened. But so did good. A whole lot of it!

I look back and I see lessons learned. I see God's strength and mercy poured out, and His love overflowing.

I see a girl who's heart was healed and strengthed. I see God give renewal and hope in something so broken and lost.

I see man's strength turn into the Almighty's strength. I see God bending down to His beloved children and holding them in His mighty hands, laying upon them His precious protection.

I see the definition of trust being re-evaluated. Trust in man turns to trust in God.

I see family broken, but bound. I see the love and the tears and the support poured out from loved ones. I see the power in just one hug, or one line, capture a heart. One line spoken to build, not break.

I see relationships built. And I see friends coming together to be pieces of Jesus to each other.

I see the wounds of an aching soul be covered in the prayer of God's warriors.

I see people coming together to share in the pain of those hurting. I see hearts opening to those in need. Selfishness put away. And selflessness displayed. I see words spoken in love and sympathy and encouragement. I see God among it all.

I see a man broken. A man left in tears, a man hurting, call out to God. I see a man let go of His own strength, his own power, and ask for that of God's. I see a man humbled. A man searching with all he has for the One, True God. I see his hope fulfilled in God's very response to Him. I see a God who is faithful, and true. A God who cares. A God who comes.

I see smiles. I see laughter. I see God lighting up faces shining for all to see. I see God granting joy and laughter so that this broken place can have a glimmer of light. I see Him. I see Him smiling down saying, "I love you dear Child. I love you."

I see God's goodness poured out on those who put their delight in Him.

I see new faces in the pews on Sunday. I see the love of God filling the hearts of another lost one. The sweet gift of Jesus whispered into another soul.

I see Jesus. I see the cross. I see the gift of God poured out for all to enjoy.

I see God working. I see God transforming. I see His love, His faithfulness, His goodness. I see Him.

I see hope for yesterday. Hope for tomorrow. I see hope for the future. Hope for the new year.

I look back at this past year and I see the goodness of a great God.

I can think of all these things I hope for and want in the new year, but honestly, all I truly seek is to once again see God's goodness.

Where is your courage?

Fear.

Where is your courage? Where is your boldness? Where is your light?

The other day I ran into a girl that I knew from a long time ago and probably hadn't seen in over 7 years. Since I seen her last I've come to know the Lord and I actually ran into her at a bookstore. She was helping me find a book and it just so happened to be a Christian book. Of course the thought going through my head was, "I wonder is she thinks I'm a Christian?". I had the hope that she did and that at least one tiny speck of our conversation and situation could be a tunnel of light to Christ for her. But...BUT. There was still fear. That tiny speck of ruin set in. The fear of being shut out. The fear of not being received because I'm a Christian. Fear.

Where is your courage? Where is your boldness? Where is your light?

One of my deepest desires is to one day witness someone coming to Christ. Or to encourage someone to seek the Lord. I often pray for that and ask God to help me be a light and tool for Him.. Yet, how is it that I let fear overtake me at a given opportunity to stand out? To be a light? How seriously do I really take my desire? My prayers? How devoted am I? How can I expect to experience that desire when I let fear overtake me? And worse yet, how am I to work on overcoming a fear when I don't even cause an opportunity of fear to arise? An opportunity to share Christ.

Where is your courage? Where is your boldness? Where is your light?

God is light. And Jesus has come to be our light in a dark world. For He says in John 12:46, "I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark." And because of Him we now have light. "For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord." (Ephesians 5:8). And because of that light, because of that goodness, He calls us to shine and stand out in a world full of darkness and evil. He calls us to be a light. For He tells us, "...Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people." (Philippians 2:15)

So where is my courage? Where is my boldness? Where is my light?

He is light. I have Him. Therefore, I have the power and strength to be bold. To stand out. To be a light. Yet, do I?

I was having a conversation with a friend a couple weeks ago and we got to talking about the way we project ourselves. She was questioning if the conversations she had with others and the actions she used showed that she was a follower of Jesus. And it got me questioning and wondering the same of myself and my own life. Do others actually know I love Jesus? Do I act in such a way that shows the light of Jesus? Do I speak or shine in such a way that Christ's name is proclaimed? And if I do how often is it? Is it sometimes or all the time?

Every part of me is to be a light shining to God. An invitation to come to know Jesus. My movement, my words, my actions, my conversations, my silence, my all.

Yet, so often I fail. So often I let fear grip me and the world consume me.

Where is your courage? Where is your boldness? Where is your light?

Colossians 4:5-6
"Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone."

I have a changed and renewed life because of Jesus. I have a precious gift bestowed on me through Jesus. My life is made beautiful through Him. But I know through that, I am called to do great things. I am called to do things that may not always be easy and most the time require pain in this world. Through that, I'm called to conquer my fear. To live a life of boldness and courage. To live as though Jesus lives within me. To live as light. A light shining directly to Jesus. And if my life is such a gift because of Him, shouldn't it be easy to shout to the world for Him?

Where is your courage? Where is your boldness? Where is your light?

Just as Paul expressed in Philippians 1:20, I also expect the same of myself. "For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ whether I live or die."

I fully admit, I hope to become much more bold in my future, because my past is full of fear and failure.

For a great man by the name of Charles Spurgeon once said, "He that is ashamed to speak the truth has to be ashamed of himself." What words to soak in.

God has called me to be bold. To speak the truth. To speak of His power, His love, His sacrifice. He has called me not only to speak it, but live it. To show it. He has called me to live a life of courage. A life that shines brightly. One in which lights the way to Him. I pray that the next time an opportunity arises, that this frail heart of mine would not be overcome by fear. But instead, may the power and boldness of God's Spirit shine through me. He has called me to live a life full of this. He has called not only me, but you.

Matthew 5:16
"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

 Where is your courage? Where is your boldness? Where is your light?

Testimony of a 19 year old girl

I often get asked the question, "What do you do?" Or, "What keeps you busy?"

My given response usually consists of the words "home and/or "family". And as you can imagine, it doesn't exactly come off as the most respected response. Especially for a 19 year girl. And an unmarried one at that.

Being 19 years old now, 2 years out of high school, no college experience, and having no outside-the-home-job(aside from babysitting), people often wonder just what it is that I do.

Well, my response is, I serve my family in my home.

Now, here's where the questions and funny looks start pouring in. Maybe even a big stand still of silence occurs. But, funny looks and all, I proudly say, "I'm at home, serving my family".

I believe God's greatest calling for a women is in the home. Married or not, there is serving to be done in the home.

 The world abandons the home. The world abandons the family. God doesn't.

And I haven't.

The world calls girls to leave. To go. To go off to college, to get a job, to move forward. To let go. To find their own way. And maybe even God has called you to do this.

But God has called me elsewhere. God has called me to stay. To stay and serve. To serve right where I am, in my home...for the family He has so richly blessed me with.

I've been given the opportunity to leave. To go to college, to get a job, to go off and do as the rest of the world does.

But God has called me. And I have chosen.

I have chosen to not take the "normal" or "expected" way. I have chosen God's way for me.

For years it's been a struggle. The questions, the thinking, the praying, the wondering what it is that I'm supposed to do. I've watched others move forward. Go off, get married, go to school, get a full time job, become missionaries.

Yet, God has called me to stay. To stay right where I am...yet, move forward in a tremendous way.

I'm not gonna lie, I've struggled. I've struggled with the thought of watching others move forward while I stay. I question God. His purpose, His plan... And the truth is, in that questioning I miss out on the blessings laid behind the purpose.

I no longer struggle. Now, don't get me wrong, I struggle! But I no longer struggle with where God has me. I no longer struggle with questions.

I see the beauty of staying. I see the beauty of serving. I see the beauty of the home. I see the beauty of the family. I see the beauty of God...and the beauty in His ways and His plans.

I spend my days serving my family in whatever way that it need be. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, holding a child, cleaning up a mess, finding shoes. Ya know, all that tedious, repetitive stuff.

But guess what, it's more than that. It's getting a sad, broken child to laugh. It's spending time with my siblings and teaching each other life lessons. It's giving hugs and kisses to God's precious children. It's taking a walk and giving them that much needed bonding time. It's kissing an ow-wee and wiping tears from a hurting heart. It's opening a hand to a fallen child. It's opening an ear and shutting my mouth to a wounded, aching soul. It's delighting in my parents and finding ways to help their lives be easier. It's so much more.

I struggle. I fail. I'm far from being the servant God as called me to be. But by letting go of the questions and setting aside the world's way of things, setting aside even my wants and desires, God has shown me the joy of doing such a thing.

I know it's not possible for all girls or even all women to find themselves with the opportunity to stay in the home, but for those of you who do have the opportunity to do so, seize it! Delight in it! Take advantage of it. Use it.

And those of you discouraged by being at home, don't be! Ask God to give you a new perspective.

Don't let the rest of the world question you in where you are. Seize what God has for you. Whether it's serving in the home, or at work, or in another country, don't miss out on what God has for you.

Just as Paul told Archippus in Colossians 4:17, we too are called by God to carry out the ministry, the task, the plan He has for us.

Colossians 4:17
And say to Archippus, "Be sure to carry out the ministry the Lord gave you."

If I let questions capture my thoughts, I'd miss out on family bonding and life-long memories. I'd miss out on becoming a better sister and daughter. I'd miss out on preparing myself to be a wife and mother. I'd miss out on learning to be a homemaker and housekeeper. I'd miss out on the lessons, the training, the changing, and the disciplining of God. I'd even miss the beauty of His glory being done in my life.

Although, my own desire would be to one day be married myself and serve my own family in my own home, I'm not anxious. I'm satisfied. God has His way and His way for me right now is to be serving in the home He has me in. I won't let myself be robbed of that joy, thinking of what could be. I delight in His way, His plan, His home for me.

So, funny looks and all, I proudly say, I'm at home, serving my family.

Stillness&honor

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world."

Oh, the greatness of such words. The truth and life and peace laid behind such words. The blessings that are received in response given to such words.

Here I am; wondering, questioning, asking, thinking, trying, doing. And God's only request, His very only response is, "Be still and know that I am God."

Like most, I get wrapped up in circumstances and problems and I let myself worry away in time. I'm anxious, stressed, and concerned about anything that seizes my control over things. After hours and days filled with worry, after constant praying and even the shedding of tears, God's only response is, "Be still and know that I am God."

When my joy is gone and life seems out of control; when I'm searching and seeking out every area, every page, every inch of God's word looking for hope, looking for life, His only response is, "Be still and know that I am God."

When I'm lost in the ways of the world trying to find a way out; when I'm alone trying to grab ahold of even the slightest glimpse of something, His only response to me is, "Be still and know that I am God."

Even the times when I'm trying and thinking of ways to do something for Him. When I'm praying for ways to serve Him. After so many prayers and so much time gone by, His only response to me is, "Be still and know that I am God."

I spend so much time trying to figure out what's next. Or asking why. Or worrying or wondering what's going on. What should I do? What should I BE doing? Or worse yet, I am doing... what I SHOULDN'T be.

Why is it so hard to be still and know God? Why is it so hard to do nothing except take in the precious gift of life through Jesus Christ? Why is it so hard to focus on a love that entirely shapes my very being? Why is it so hard to set my eyes on His Sovereignty? Why is it so hard to just be quiet and receive the grace, and truth, and love of God? Why? Because I am broken. Because I am a sinner. Because I am selfish. Because I am human.

I take my eyes from Him and put them on myself. I take my focus of what should be on Him and I put it on me. Instead of being still and seeing and knowing Him, I run a hundred miles per hour doing everything in my OWN power just to wind up going no where.

What if I, no! What if we were all to just be still and know God? What if we were to stop running, stop searching, stop trying and were to be still instead? What if we were to be still and know God? To know Him, to see Him, to hear Him? To take our eyes and hearts from ourselves and see His goodness, His sovereignty, His love? What if we were to be still and know God?

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world."

It is in that simple response, to be still and know God, that He is honored and glorified. It is when we let go of our worry, our questions, our thinking, our doing, and our way, and we sit in silence taking in God's greatness that His glory is revealed. It's in the moments of quieting ourselves and finding His holiness and His sovereignty, that His grace, and His mercy, and His love flow. It is letting go of our circumstances and letting God be God. It is in that that He is honored. It is then that He is glorified. And in all that, we are given such a stillness, such a peace that there's nothing more to do than be still and know God.

What if we all were to be still and know God?

Night under the stars

If you have not yet experienced a summer night under the stars, I recommend you do so! Not only did I have an awesome summer adventure doing just that last night, I was also reminded of how romantic God can be! If you don't think God is a romantic, intimate God, then I suggest you go spend a night under the stars. Or 2 or 10 nights! Soak in the night sky. Fill yourself with the sound of the crickets singing. Take in the cool night breeze. And feel His tugging of your heart. God doesn't just intend to love you. He intends to love you personally and intimately. Even romantically. God's love is a great love. You just have to allow yourself to receive it.



God's love calls to me
  It calls to me in the night sky,
  It calls to me when the moon is high.
  It calls to me in the bright stars,
  It calls to me even from afar.
  It calls to me when the breeze is still,
  It calls to me with the slightest chill.
  It calls to me in the silence of the night,
  It calls to me in blind sight.
  It calls to me with the sound of cricket song,
  It's call to me is mighty strong.
  It calls to me with the flash of a lightning bug;
  Yes, it calls to me in God's sweetest form of a hug.
  It's call to me isn't God's voice shouting loud,
  But instead, in the simple form of a cloud.
  God's call to me is heard,
  By the tugging of my heart, without a single word.

Psalm 19:1-4a

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
    The skies display his craftsmanship.
² Day after day they continue to speak;
    night after night they make him known.
³ They speak without a sound or word;
    their voice is never heard.^[a]
4 Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
    and their words to all the world.

Finding Light through the fog

The other day I got woke up nice and early by my little brother wanting juice. And if you know me, you know I don't sleep well the way it is so you can imagine I didn't start out very happy about this at all. Buuuutt I got up anyway to get Jedidiah some juice and after I got up I realized the sun was starting to rise. And it just so happened to be a very foggy morning. The morning air was filled with moisture! It was just beautiful! So being me, I thought it would be a good opportunity to capture some good pictures.

So I went out and started snapping away and as I was looking through the pictures I noticed in every one of them the sun just glistened through the fog. It completely over-powered it. No matter how thick the fog was, the sun made its way through! It really got me thinking....

How often in my life does it seem like there is a thick fog over everything? How often is my perspective clouded by some trial or mess? How often is my life just like the fog that is clouding the view of the sunrise?

So often I let things get in the way of my view of God, and the things He is trying to show me. I live a life clouded by fog, by trials, by circumstances. I let pain, and hurt, and evil, even people(!) cloud my view of God. Instead of looking through it, I let it blur my view and drown out the light that is seeping through.

Have you ever noticed that as soon as the sun comes out the fog disappears? Well Jesus, the Light of the world(John 8:12-"Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life."),can wipe away the foggy, clouded mess of our lives, just like the sun does to that fog. We just have to look past it to see the light. Allow Him to seep through the fog of things and light up your world. If we would just look to Him, our vision, our perspective, would no longer be clouded, but full of light.

So just as I started out my morning, unhappy and looking at things the wrong way, I let my vision be clouded. I let the fog cover up the light. I let my own perspective keep God from shining His light on me. I saw being woke up that early as a terrible thing. But when I finally looked passed the fog, I saw His light. I saw the beauty of that morning and the beauty of His lesson to me. I saw the Sun shine through the fog. I saw the Son of God, the Light of the world, shine through my fog-filled vision, and give me view of His light. And once I took that in, I was able to rejoice in being awake so early. I got to praise God for such beauty and for such a wonderful opportunity! The morning was no longer terrible, it was a blessing.

So I challenge you, along with myself, to not let the challenges and trials and messes of this life fog out your vision of God, but instead, look through them and see the Light shining through to you. God's Light overpowers all things, just as the sun overpowers the fog... :)

For the love of a mother

Well Mother's day is over now and I'm pretty sure, actually I know for a fact, that my mom has probably had better mother's day celebrations in the past. Not only do I feel terrible about that but I also feel that she, along with all mothers, deserve more than just one day of extended love. They should know each and everyday what a special place they hold in each of our lives. After all, God placed you in her womb for a reason right?

moth·er  

A woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth.-

Yes, my mother gave birth to me...and to my siblings. But I'm not sure this definition fully describes what a mother or, more specifically, what MY mother is to me.. and to us.

She gave birth to us, but she's been so much more than just a birth mother to us. She has been a mother of many things. Not only does she cook, clean, and do laundry for us, she provides encouragement, love, support, hugs, kisses, and discipline that provides character in each of us. She sacrifices everyday for my dad and for us. She wakes at the crack of dawn, even though she has been up all night giving love to little ones who can't sleep, sometimes even big ones like ME who can't sleep, just to continue the process of caring for us, her children. Being a mother for her not only means making sure her kids are fed and have clothes on, but it also means helping my dad with our business, even if it does run her so thin she can't function, just to make sure things run more smoothly so we can be provided for. For her, it also means homeschooling us and giving us an education so we can know something and be somebody. For her, it means going out of her way just to make us happy and give us enjoyment. For her, it means sitting at the table with us everyday sharing the Word of God with us so that we might come to know Jesus and live a life worth living. Being a mother to her means putting aside her own hurts and desires and listening to ours instead. It means taking the hurt of her child and making it her own. It means shedding tears and praying thousands of prayers for the life of each child. It means setting aside her important work just to listen to the need of a precious life. She doesn't look at it as a burden or pain, she looks at it as joy. She would sacrifice at any moment for each of us.

To me, she isn't just a mother. She's a friend. A best friend. When everyone seems to be gone, she's there. She knows when I'm hurting and when I'm in need of someone to come along side me. She's always the first to arrive and the last to leave. She gives me the much needed truth even when it hurts. She gives me support and prayer. She gives me an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on... and best of all, she brings hope and joy to everything. Laughter and love are always flowing from her!

My mom has shown us the love of Jesus and the grace of God. She has shown us living a life of sin isn't a life worth living.  She has shown us life isn't easy, but a life with Jesus is a life worth fighting for. She has shown us life isn't about yourself but about others. She has shown us the importance of family and the bond that can be built when love is given. She has shown us being a mother isn't just about giving birth, but it's a life-long bond given to you for your child. She has shown us many things, even without trying. She has shown us she isn't perfect.. but she's an example worth following.

Not only has she shaped our lives...but I'm pretty sure we've shaped hers as well. Not only is she a gift to us, but I know we're a gift to her. That's what is so amazing about my mom. She sees motherhood as a rare gift. One not to be taken lightly or for granted. She sees the gift of life in each of us and knows that motherhood isn't just about having a child, but about giving that child life and love. She sees it as building a life-long relationship with the child, a bond that can never be broken.

I know God had a special plan when He placed me, along with all my siblings, in the life of my dear mother. I get to hear stories all the time of how she as always wanted to have babies and be a mom. She's desired from a very young age to have each of us in her life. I can't explain to you the joy of knowing you've been loved before you were even born! And now here she is, a mother of ten! My mom has gone through great lengths to give us a life. A life of love, a life of memories, and a life filled with Jesus. A life truly filled with joy. I can see through her life the love she has for each of us. The love she has always had for us. The love she will always continue to have for us. And I'm truly grateful for the love of a mother. The love of my mother!

So as it turns out the definition of a mother, our mother, is wide for me. My mom, mother, momma, mommy is truly amazing. She has taken this frail heart and life of mine and shown it great love and care. She listens, she loves, she corrects, she guides, she supports, she prays, she cheers... she mothers. She is the best mom I could ask for! And she deserves love and appreciation everyday. Not just one day of the year. So to the wonderful mother she is, thank you! And all praise be given to the great God who works out all things for the good of His purpose! All glory to Him who has placed us in the hands of His daughter, our mother.

Do not be dismayed (For all you single ladies)

"Are you so busy drowning your woes in bitter longing that you can't see your single years for the beautiful stage that they are to glorify the Lord in an exciting context?"

As I have learned from my own life, and from the conversations I've had with my other girls, it seems it's so easy for us girls to become discouraged in our time of waiting for Mr. Right to come along. We see everyone else's stories come together, yet ours still hasn't. It's hard to be patient and wait for that time to come. It's hard to not get discouraged. It's hard to persevere and hold your head high. I know it is. But I'm here to tell you today...Do not be dismayed.

Do not be dismayed. For you are not alone. There are so, sooo many girls out there waiting just like you for the right man to come along. You can't always see it, and most of the time you think no one else knows what it feels like, but you're wrong. You are not alone.

Do not be dismayed. For now is a time to draw near to the Lord. "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world." James 4:8 ...Mr. Right isn't here yet, but God is. It's time to fill your longing for a future husband with a longing for God. How can you fully love someone when you don't fully love God? Love God first, then He'll give you the love you need for someone else. "May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3:5

Deuteronomy 6:5:
"And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength."

Do not be dismayed. For now is the time to learn contentment. "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have." Philippians 4:11.. If you aren't content now, how will you be content when your married? You must learn to be content now, in this stage. You must learn to be content being single and you must learn to be content in whichever state you are in. There will be stages in marriage that will flare up huge opportunities for discontentment.. but if you can learn to be content now, you'll be all the better off when those times of discontentment arise in marriage. Contentment now, brings contentment later. "Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth." 1 Timothy 6:6

Do not be dismayed. For now is a time to prepare yourself. This is a time to learn skills of being a wife and a mother. A time to learn to cook, clean, do laundry, care for a family, and care for a home. And most of all, a time to learn how to serve your husband. Don't sit around looking for guys and worrying about who it could be, or why it's taking so long. Get up and prepare yourself. Cook a meal, babysit someone's kid, help your mom or dad with something. There are numerous things that being a wife is going to consist of. And you most likely aren't prepared for a lot of those things. So start preparing now. Now is the time to develop the numerous skills necessary in being a wife. Study Proverbs 31. Learn what it means to be a true, serving, God-honoring wife and mother. Now's the time. What a sad thing it would be if the right man came along and you weren't prepared to serve him the way he needs to be served.

Do not be dismayed. For now is a time to fix any flaws you have. Wouldn't it be nice to have those awful habits and sins gone before the man you love comes into your life and has to deal with them? We aren't perfect and never will be... But there is so much we can work on and rid ourselves of. And now is the time to start. You know what you need to work on...And if you don't, ask your parents. Or a close friend that really knows you.  If all else, just work on beauty within. Work on becoming a woman of obedience, submission, and reverence. Work on building character and a tender heart. Work on developing a gentle and quiet spirit. 1 Peter says, "Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

Do not be dismayed. For now is a time to serve. Now is a time to use YOUR time to serve God. Ask Him what it is that He wants you to do. There are many ways of serving. "God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another." 1 Peter 4:10

Romans 12:11
"Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically."

Matthew 20:28

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Do not be dismayed. For now is the time to pray for your future husband. Pray, pray, pray! You can be praying right now for the life of your future husband, even if you don't know who it is! Pray for God to give him a heart that desires to bring Him praise. Pray for his protection. Pray for him to have strength and discernment. Pray for him to have patience to wait for you. Pray that he would resist temptation. Just pray for Him. I know for a fact that he needs your prayers. God is using you to serve him right now, even before you meet! And He is doing it through your prayers! I highly recommend the book "Praying for your future husband" by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer.
Psalm 65:5
"You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds,
O God our savior. You are the hope of everyone on earth,
even those who sail on distant seas."

1 John 5:14-15
"And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for. "

Do not be dismayed ladies. For now is an opportunity for many things. God has you here for a reason. Rejoice and conquer in it. Who you are as a single lady will be who you are as a married woman. If you not content, you won't be content in marriage. If you are lazy, you will be lazy in marriage. If you aren't submissive to your parents and authority, you won't be submissive to your husband. If you're a liar and disrespectful, you'll be both to your husband during marriage. So start now, prepare yourself. Love God, and serve Him. Instead of spending every minute of your lives thinking of that man or of who he'll be, look into your own life and start preparing for when he comes. I highly suggest reading the book "Preparing to be a Help Meet," by Debi Pearl for more insight.

Also we need to not look at every guy as a possibility, but instead, look at them as brothers in Christ and develop healthy friendships with him instead of making everything into a love game.

Remember, you aren't alone. There are many of us waiting and there are many of us preparing. I am one.

"To spend my unmarried years discontently counting the moments until I'm married-if I marry- missing out on all the blessings and opportunities the Lord has provided for me here and now, for his glory...that would truly be a waste." Jasmine Baucham

Isaiah 40:31
"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."

*top quote by Jasmine Baucham as well*

Why here?

There are days when I don't want to be here. There are times when I just don't want to be here at all. I don't want to be here... I want to be with Jesus. Where everything is perfect. Where there is no mess. Where there is no pain, suffering, or tears. Where everything is just perfect. Yes, I want to be there.

I look around me and I see bombs going off, killing many. I see shootings. I see pain and voilence. I see porn and abuse. I see drugs and alcohol. I see hate and greed. I see marriages failing and the meaning of friendship depleating. I see music and movies turn to filth. I see christians fall into the ways of the world and lose their faith. I see churchs falling apart. I see heartache and sickness. I see sin...sin and imperfection...And I long to see holiness and perfection. I long to see Jesus.

Yet, I'm here. Why am I here? Why am I stuck in a world of sin when I am made for a Kingdom of Holiness?

I am here because my being here is saving others from being in Hell.

I don't want to be here because I know when I'm done here my home is in Heaven. But what about those whose homes aren't in Heaven? What about those doomed for Hell?

My being here isn't just about getting by till my life is taken from this world and placed with Jesus. My being here is to make sure, when I go, that others are coming with me to see Jesus. My being here isn't about filtering what joy I can from this world, but it's about bringing joy to those who have none. Bringing and showing others what it means to have the joy of Jesus in your heart. My being here isn't about living it up till I'm gone. It's about living for Jesus and bringing Him to the lives of those who do not know what it truly means to live. Its not about wasting away in the worries of this world, but instead, bringing life and hope into those who's world is headed towards death. My being here is about bringing Jesus into the lives of as many as I can. My being here doesn't just require being here. It requires work, and action, and sacrifice. It requires conquering the sin and fear of this world, and bringing forth the hope of the world to come. God's Kingdom come.

My being here, your being here, all of us being here, is to prepare us ALL to one day be with Jesus. Our being here is entirely for Him. Our being here determines where we and where others will be when this world no longer exists. Our being here either equips us for Heaven...or for Hell.

It's not always easy being here. I'd much rather not be here. But I'm here for a purpose and a reason. I want to make my being here about something. I want to make my being here bring others to be with Jesus.

So why here? For Jesus. I'm here for Him. And so that others may know Him.

A gift in the midst of waiting

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear."

How many of us are waiting for something? I know I am. This life seems to be full of waiting. Whether it's those desires deep down inside of us that we desperately want... or those things we literally need. It seems there is always something we are constantly waiting on. And it's always the things we have no control over. The things God has rule of.

I know that for me, I so often see my waiting as pain or punishment. I get so impatient. I see my waiting and I look at the situation and wonder what I am doing wrong that I still remain in this waiting position. Or what can I possibly do to get myself out of this? I'm always wondering and asking "How much longer, God?? How much longer!" I get discouraged being here. And the fact of the matter is, I get so caught in my waiting that I just make it all about me. Instead of truly putting my focus on God, I put it on myself. I turn what could be this time of growing closer to God, and make it an entirely selfish thing. I look for all the possible reasons of why it is happening, and how to keep it from happening, instead of just rejoicing in the fact that it IS happening. I mean is waiting really all that bad? Why would God leave me here if it was bad? What is it that waiting is really all about? What if waiting was really considered a gift?

God has us all waiting for many different reasons. Maybe it's because we are not yet ready for what He has in store. Maybe we need more patience. Maybe we need more trust in God. Maybe we just need a little more time to grow before we move into that next step. Maybe there is sin in our life that God is trying to rid us of. Or maybe what we're waiting for just isn't ready for us. Whatever the case, one thing is for sure- This time of waiting is good. This time of waiting is a time to silently surrender. A time to bow in prayer. A time to take what your waiting for and turn it over to Him. Completely turn it over to Him. It's a time to put away those selfish desires and rejoice in Him. Waiting is a time to grow closer to God. To put away what I want and be satisfied in Him. Isaiah 30:18-"So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help."

It doesn't matter if you ask for the same thing a hundred million times, it is still good. It doesn't matter if everyday is the same continual routine of calling out to God and asking Him for strength and patience to get through this time. It doesn't matter if everyone else is moving forward, yet you still remain waiting. God has me and He has you here for a reason. And you know what, He delights, more than you can ever imagine, in being with us during this time. He loves our prayers, our consistency. He wants us to be at this time where we have no control, where you have to put your entire trust and hope in Him. He wants us and enjoys us relying fully on Him.

"The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline: Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn the other check to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies."(Lamentations 3:25-30)

Why do I remain waiting? Because it is good for me to wait on God and depend on Him. God delights in seeing me continually come to my quiet place searching and calling on Him. He delights in giving me hope. He delights in me calling to Him instead of others. He wants me to lie face down searching for hope in the midst of all this waiting. He wants me to still seek Him while I watch everyone else move forward even while I remain waiting...and in actuallity, he doesn't have me here just to wait. He has me here to discipline me, to teach me, to LOVE me. He has me here for good.

So you see, it's not about me seeking out God in order for the wait to be over. It's not about delighting in God so that my desires will be given to me. But instead, making God my greatest and only true desire and rejoicing in the fact that He delights in me. It's not wrong to be in the position of waiting. I may get tired of the same routine and praying for the same thing. But it's good for me. God delights in seeing my consistency. He wants me to endure through this time. He wants me to be at a standstill in life if it means just being here with Him. He wants me calling and praying out to Him. He wants me depending on His discipline and guidance. For "The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him."(vs. 25) God wants me to rejoice in Him rejoicing in me. I may feel ready for the next step but God wants me right here. The point of my whole existence to is be in His presence, calling out to Him, searching and serving. Why should I be waiting on something when I have everything just by having God?  I no longer spend each day waiting for something else, but instead, rejoicing in what IS. Rejoicing in the fact that God has everything laid out for me and all He wants for me right now is to keep doing what I'm doing. Keep praying, and keep searching for Him. Even if it is praying for the same things over and over again. Even if it is the same daily routine. God delights in me waiting for Him. He delights in me giving myself to Him over and over again while I am waiting. God loves me being here. It's not wrong. And I'm not doing anything wrong. This is where he wants me. He wants me at this place of intimacy with Him. Why do I question His plan and His timing? As Wesley L. Duewel once said, "Give Him time to do great things. The greater the work He plans, the greater the prayer preparation that may be necassary, including prayer for guidance. God often waits so that He can be even more gracious." How great is that?? Don't lose hope, God is just planning something that much better!

Waiting, once embraced as it should be, is a sweet, sweet gift.

"Especially in the waiting." By Josiah Schwarts
 The point in waiting is
 to enjoy
To love and worship God
In every aspect of life

Including the waiting.

And in the waiting
Remember His nature
That He is the Giver of every perfect gift
That He desires to lavish you with such treasures
Treasures that are worth the wait
Solely because He is in them.

Rest in this:
He is going to give you
Exactly what you need
At exactly the time you need it.
That is reason to smile
That is reason to breathe easy
And rest in Him.

Let go of "when" and "if"
Because His ways
Are so much higher than yours.
His thoughts
Beyond what you could ever fathom
Because He loves you.
Oh, how He loves you.
And this is the point
of your entire existence
To experience His presence
His love
Inside every moment

Especially in the waiting.

"But I will keep on hoping for your help; I will praise you more and more." Psalm 71:14

A sister for a purpose

If you don’t already know, I am second born. I’ve been put under an older brother and placed above 8 younger siblings. That’s right; I’m a sister to 9 people. If that isn’t a load of craziness I don’t know what is! I’ve never really given much thought to it but for the past couple years or so I’ve struggled with what this really means for me. Where is my place? Who am I to be as both a younger sister and an older sister? Who am I to be as a sister period?  Being a sister has to mean more than “Hey I’m a girl and I got myself a sibling!” right?

I know God has given me this place for a reason. But what is it supposed to consist of? What is it to mean? What is the purpose of being a sister?

I’ve ignored what this means for so many years. Infact, I’ve been completely oblivious to it. I’ve never looked at being a sister as meaning something. I’ve never looked at being a sister as having power. And if I have, it’s been in the wrong way. I’ve used it as a way to boss, to control, to challenge, and to discourage. I’ve even used it have personal lil servants. I’ve looked at it as I SHOULD be equal to my older brother and I’m superior to my younger siblings. But is that what God really wants? That may be what the world shows as a sister being, but is that what God says it is?

God has revealed to me the answer to that is no. He has shown me that He has placed me in the lives of my siblings, as both a younger and an older sister, to be used for much greater purpose. To honor Him, and serve them. He has shown me that it is more than just being there to tell them what to do, but to instead help them do what needs to be done. Instead of control them, serve them. Being a sibling is a HUGE opportunity to give of yourself for someone else. An opportunity to serve. ("You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” Galatians 5:13) God made us free. And through that freedom He called us to serve Him and others with love. What better opportunity than to do so with your own siblings? Being a sibling isn’t a way to be served and please ourselves, rather it is to be used as an opportunity to serve our siblings rather than ourselves. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28. Being a sister, especially an older sister, is more than just bossing your siblings around telling them what messes to clean up, but instead, leading them. Showing them how to serve. Showing them how to clean things up by doing it yourself first and being an example.

Being a sister should be more than just directing your younger siblings around at home, but instead, it should also be a way of pointing the way to God’s love and His glory. Encourage them to strive for a relationship with Christ. Show them through your own life the greatness of being close to the Lord. As an older sibling I know my siblings look up to me. I know they watch me each and everyday. What a perfect opportunity for me to show them the light of the Lord in my life! Instead of showing them how to cause trouble and disobey my parents, shouldn't I be teaching them to love the Lord and to honor my parents?

 

God has shown me it’s more than just being their sister, but also being their friend. Their best friend. Picking them up, encouraging them, enjoying them, spending time with them, and loving them. Being a sister means showing love, and compassion. Showing sensitivity to their hurts. Giving them a hand, or a heart. Listening, opening up, guiding. Being a sister should mean looking up to my older brother and showing him respect and love, not striving to be better than him. As a sister, I should be showing by example what my brothers should be looking for in a wife, not showing them that women are nightmares. As an older sister I should be teaching my sisters what it means to be a lady and what it means to follow after God’s own heart, not competing and arguing with them. Instead of investing in myself, I should be investing in them. Being a sister should mean taking the time to pray with,  pray over, and pray for my siblings.

Being a sister to me no longer means just sharing the same last name and living with a bunch of kids everyday. Instead, it now means investing in their lives. Serving them, helping them, encouraging them, praying for them, leading them. Giving them the gift of friendship. God has called me to something greater. He didn’t intend for me to take being a sister for granted. Or to use it to mistreat my siblings. But instead, to be used for His purpose. For His glory. To advance His kingdom.

 I’ve gone through the years learning it’s not easy being a sister. Both a younger and an older one. I’ve learned it’s not always easy having an older brother who constantly challenges your patience and puts you to the test. Or having 5 yay-who younger brothers constantly pushing me closer to becoming a mad woman. I’ve learned it’s not always easy coming to an agreement with 2 stubborn sisters. Or having the next spot in line to change diapers when mom and dad aren’t around.  I’ve learned whatever difficulty being a sister of 9 can bring. But I’ve also learned through the difficulties what it’s like to have best friends, and cuddle buddies, and hunting partners. I’ve gotten the opportunity to see sweet babies become toddlers. I’ve watched them grow taller and develop personalities. I’ve gotten the opportunity to do makeup and hair with my sisters, and go fishing with my brothers. I’ve been blessed. You can’t tell me there isn’t meaning and purpose in being a sister, because I have learned firsthand that isn’t true.

I know I am FAR from being the sister I need to be. The reason I am writing this is because God has pointed out to me just how far that is. I need God and I need His grace. I need a thousand second chances. I need help, guidance, and prayer. So pray for me. And pray with me! Pray for me to be the person I need to be in my siblings lives and pray for all those other sisters out there. Walk along side me. Take on the purpose of being a sister with me. Challenge yourself to be the sister God wants you to be. The sister your siblings need you to be. See what it is God is calling you to be as a sister. I know being a sister is not to be taken lightly, but to be looked upon as a gift from God. A gift that has purpose. A purpose that needs prayer and guidance and discipline.

I know God made me a sister for a reason. And each day He is gives me an opportunity to strive even closer to what He means for that to be. He is a loving, guiding Father full of second chances and I’m blessed to be loved by Him. I’m so glad He has placed me in this family. I’m so glad He placed me right where He wanted me. I’m so glad He made me a sister.

 “A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.” Marion C. Garretty

 

The Ultimate Valentine

Valentine’s Day. Some love it. Most hate it. If you're anything like me right now you've probably been dreading the whole thought of it. For most of us it just seems to be a big, huge reminder that your single, lonely, and for some, even broken.

We all think Valentine's Day is a big day for that special someone in our life to show us we mean something. Or to spoil us with candy, flowers, and mushy things. We all want to know we are wanted. We are thought about. We are special enough to receive something from someone. Deep down, even if you deny it, we all want a valentine.

But how many of us end up going through the day without a special someone? Without receiving something? Without feeling wanted? Feeling as if no one out there cares. Like everyone around us is loved, cherished, and wanted? Yet, you aren't?

Well I have news for you. You ARE wanted. You are wanted by your Great Creator. The God that gave you life. The God that yearns to show you His love each and every day. He wants to be your Valentine. Your special someone. He wants to make YOU feel wanted. Feel loved. Feel special. To feel unforgotten.

What are you waiting for? Why spend so much time waiting for someone else to make you feel special when God is waiting right now for the opportunity to sweep you off your feet? He wants the same thing you want. He wants to love and be loved. He wants to show you what true romance and intimacy is. He wants you. To love YOU.

John and Stasi Eldridge wrote in their book "Captivating" that "God delights in revealing himself to those who will seek him with all their hearts. He is an extravagant, abundant Lover, and he loves to reveal his heart to us again and again." Why not let Him? Let him captivate you. Let him show you his love. Seek after Him as well. You won't be disappointed. I know I wasn't.

Just a couple months ago, my heart was broken. I was left to feel unwanted. I struggled through the pain of feeling unloved, unspecial. Like I wasn't good enough to be loved. I hurt, a lot. Every day since they have started talking about Valentine's Day my heart has ached. I've completely dreaded the thought of past memories being brought up. I dreaded being reminded that I'm broken and unloved. I've dreaded being reminded that I'm alone. But God. God! God came to me and said "Let me love you and you won't be lonely. Let me love you and you won't be unwanted. Let me love you and you will be special. Let me love you, and romance you, and show you what it means to truly, and completely be loved. Let me love you and you won't be disappointed." My heart overflows with joy and my face streams with tears because God has done just that for me. I let Him show me His love and I will forever be satisfied. I can't even begin to describe to you the joy that comes from such a love. Let Him show you love!

Why waste our time waiting for flowers and candy and useless toys when God has so much more to offer. “God’s version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotions.”(Captivating by John Stasi Eldredge) How’s that for a valentine surprise?Why waste our time searching for a love that may disappoint and fade away? Why not surrender your searching and let God love you? Let Him love you with such a love that will never fade away. That you will never be separated from.

Romans 8:38

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

His love always remains. It never fails. It never disappoints. It never weakens. It only satisfies.

God brought me LOVE. It picked me up and turned me around. It filled my loneliness with such joy and peace and happiness that I can't possibly search for such a love anywhere else. My tears of sorrow are now tears of joy. I want you to experience the same.

He is waiting for your response. Will you be His valentine?

Ephesians 3:18

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.

 

Here I am.(philippians 4:11)

Philippians 4:11

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.

Here I am. Going through a God-guided journey. A journey learning to be content and patient. A journey learning to serve God fully right where I am.

Here I am. February 2013.

Here I am. Growing in the word of the Lord. This stage in life has given me the opportunity to spend more time in the Word, in prayer, and in service to God. Not only have I been able to spend more time in my daily readings but I've been able to start an in depth study on Revelation by David Jeremiah. I could not be more excited about this. I've never really had the opportunity to go full board into the book of Revelation but I am here, doing just that. David Jeremiah is teaching me so much. God is teaching me so much. Not only teaching me, but preparing me. Preparing me for the future. For His future.


Here I am. Still at home. Learning to fully serve my family better. Learning to help with school, keep a house, and take care of kiddos. Learning to be a mother. I know I have much to learn, but I also know I have a God who continues to guide me, a mother who continues to teach me, and a dad who continues to support me.


Here I am. Learning the art of photography. Photography has really captured my attention. God seems to draw me in more deeply through photos. I just love to capture His beauty :) or capture a memory that is held in my heart forever... I've gotten the chance to start a photography class(at home) and couldn't be more excited to learn all I can from it. I haven't gotten very far due to busyness...but I
can't wait to learn more!

Here I am. Learning to be a coach. What an adventure! This year was the first year in many years I wasn't going to be apart of the game of basketball...but here I am getting the opportunity to help coach! Pretty exciting! But scary at the same time. I've been on the other side for so many years. I've always been the one to learn from the coaches...not be the one doing the teaching!  But I've really enjoyed it. Not sure I'm that great at it..but again, I'm learning! I love to be a part of the game. And working along two great women, and teaching some really amazing girls just so happens to be a HUGE bonus! Can't wait to see what the rest of the season brings :)

Here I am. Depending and relying on God. Life hasn't been the easiest lately. Sickness, and heartache, and brokenness has taken its turn on me. Life has brought trials of confusion, discouragement, loneliness, impatience.... But my God is bigger. My God is stronger. My God has strengthed me, provided me protection, and given me peace. My God has given me contentment. I don't always know what I'm doing, or what my future holds, but I know God is in control. I know He has me right where He wants me. It may not always seem enjoyable, but God has placed me here for a reason. And my purpose is to serve Him right where I am. To honor Him to my fullest.


 Here I am. Content in the hand of God. Learning to wholly depend on Him.



 

MY frail heart in HIS mighty hands.

Who am I but human? Who am I but weak. Who am I but filled with sorrow, depression, worry, doubt, and fear.  Who am I but helpless. Who am I but frail?

1.   frail

Adjective 1.   (of a person) Weak and delicate. 2.   Easily damaged or broken; fragile or insubstantial.

Synonyms fragile – weak – delicate – feeble – brittle – tender     Who is God? Who is God but sovereign, holy, victorious, powerful, conquering. Who is God but MIGHTY. The Almighty.   might·y       Adjective Possessing great and impressive power or strength. Synonyms adjective. powerful - strong - potent - forceful - vigorous

I am delicate. I am weak. I am broken. But I am not alone. I have a Sovereign God holding my precious heart in His Mighty hands. I have a God who turns my weakness into strength. My fear into trust. My doubt into confidence. My worry into peace. My sorrow into joy.  My brokenness into fullness. My emptiness into completeness.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

 

God takes this frail being and turns it into something great. Who am I without Him? I am convinced, I am nothing.  But now, because of Him, I am something. I can take this frail heart of mine and begin to reach out. Begin to grow. Begin to conquer.

 Psalm 66:9

⁹Our lives are in his hands,
and he keeps our feet from stumbling.

I may be weak but He is not. And it’s Him who holds my life. I don’t even want to try to make this life my own. It’s already His. I trust my life in His hands.

Psalm 68:19

¹⁹ Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms.

 

 

Jayden